The wideness and wonder of the world....


When I look at art that speaks to my senses I am filled with awe and with out knowing how I understand. That is how I feel when I look at the art of Georgia O'Keeffe.

Her work seems inside of me already... what I could never get out. A connection and love for life and a familiar landscape.

The colors are familiar and equal what beauty is in my eye.

Her art makes me feel. To long for a desert home that is just like me: tough and adaptable with fragility.

Most of all the art stirs up emotion that I can only express with a deep, releasing 'sigh'.

"I have used these things to say what is to me the wideness and wonder of the world as I live in it."
-Georgia O'Keeffe

*some thoughts from our trip to the museum.

Take me, all the way

Never underestimate the power of a great song. I don't know why I thought it was a hard choice. I am pleased with my mantra. Thanks. I have a post rattling around my head about art...big surprise hu? I bet you thought it was going to be about exercise. Hey that does remind me... this is the time of year... spring when one is naturally more inclined to be out and about enjoying the weather and exercising. What are you doing these days...share ....what do you do out of doors especially and what are you eating now that the weather is warming up?? I want to know. REALLY!

Come on neighbors join in I miss ya all...You know who you are!

Mantra: How to push through difficulty

You read when you are pregnant in those birthing books about using a mantra during labor, which in dictionary terms is "a commonly repeated word or phrase", in order to help you push through the pain. I tried a mantra when I was in labor with Cade but the epidural worked so much better.

I like the less formal and more religious definition, "A sacred verbal prayer or meditation an invocation of God".

Well, today my trainer recommended I use a mantra in order to push through the hard parts of training and the actual race. She says every athlete has one. It makes sense, there are lots of hard parts. There are days when I am tired, my body sore and I must push, push, push it to do even more. Trust me I am no stranger to hard work or even physical work and yet training is hard the way studying for a difficult final is hard. Only I can do the work and the sole purpose of all the work is singular, yet I will benefit from it in many ways.

So I've been thinking mantras and I am really torn between two good ones. I thought it would be fun to get the people in the stands (that would be you kind readers) to take part in my journey.

I have to admit the irony of this is kind of interesting to me. The words I have written on this blog of mine I have been told have inspired and carried some of you. So now I am asking that you chose the words that will carry and inspire me. It will be our little secret, that while I am working so very hard the words you chose for me will be the very words that are carrying me through.

I hope my shy readers will be brave and vote..I am asking, if you have ever been here with me...please vote.

Here are the two and the reasons behind them.

When I first started to work out way back in Buffalo about 9 years ago after our first winter there and I had gained a lot of weight, I met this spit fire of a woman named Robbie who taught a boot camp class. I think she is still there at the Bally's on North French. Anyway, she inspired me in so many ways and one of the things she repeated like a mantra in her class was :
"look great, feel great". I still use this when I am tired and really do not want to run that last mile, or swim those last laps do another set. "Look great, feel great" through gritted teeth and somehow that Robbie is right there with me, firing me up and I push harder.

The second mantra is one that is new to me. I love love love this song by Matthew West and I love it especially when I am riding my bike or running the beat is perfect and it really just makes me want to work harder. So go listen to it, around minute 2 you will see the phrase: "Take me, all the way" . I like this one for a mantra too because it relates to how I want to live out every part of my life, faith, and family. I don't want to go through the motions in any part of my life.

So there are the two choices

1. Look great, feel great
2. Take me, all the way

I love them both but I promise that whatever my readers choose, that will be my mantra from here on out, the training and on race day. You all will be with me, by picking the words that will be in my head, pushing me to work harder and give it all I've got.

Voting will end on Sunday April 26 Midnight. I will announce the winning mantra on Monday's post.

Dani this if for you...

It has come to my attention that the sideline has been quite sappy lately. I am blaming it mostly on the wonderful duo of exhaustion and PMS. Don't think for a second that it is all sappy hallmark cards around here. In fact, lately, my older kids have been accusing me of being embarrassing. I know hard to believe. Me of all people. Hmpf.

Well, time ran out on our phone conversation today and I just knew my sister in law Dani would love the story I have been dying to tell her. Two weeks ago, I was going to the gym and on the way there I was drinking out of a water bottle and yes, I spilled it. It slipped from my hand and ended up in my lap. So I am sitting in my wet seat knowing that when I get out of the car my black workout pants are going to make it look like I totally peed myself. I got out of the car ran into the nearest bathroom at the Y and I looked in the mirror and confirmed what I feared. it looked like I totally peed or I was sweating profusely in my crotch area. It wasn't pretty. So I noticed that there was a hairdryer on the wall..so I took my pants off and there I was standing in the bathroom in my sneakers and socks and underwear blow drying my pants dry. Several ladies walked in and I felt compelled to explain to all. "I spilled water in my lap, while driving" No one cared they just looked at me with blank stares. I didn't mention before, please don't judge me, but I have a trainer* and I was meeting her that morning. So the pants never got dry and I had to meet her so I went out with my head up determined to play it off. So what, you spilled water no biggie, I kept telling myself. So she is working me out and after every exercise she totally wipes down all the seats and benches because she is probably thinking I am disgusting either full of pee or crotch sweat.

It was embarassing to say the least and when I told this story to Cade and Camryn they just shook there heads and said, "mom you are so embarassing".


*I have a trainer for the sole purpose of helping me train for the triathon I am entering in June.

I can't write much because I lived on various sidelines this weekend and I am wiped out. But I did want to share that Camryn's soccer season is over. I did not document much about soccer because well, it went on forever (since last Oct...I think we got our money's worth) and because their season was a learning season if you catch my drift.



A few things to mention about the season...For one, Camryn is a star goalie. Who knew! I mean I knew she was tough but she just takes direct kicks like a wall, no shying away from flying cleats or soccer balls. I think she shocked herself today in one of the tournament games she just leaped up and grabbed a ball that was way over her head. She just stood there in shock in the goal holding the ball over her head. It was crazy.

And the other thing, what her team pulled off in this tournament was amazing. They made it to the final game and held a team who beat them 12-0 in their previous meeting to a measly 4-2. They lost, but their improvement is apparent for sure.



At the end of the day they all lined up for pictures, medals and certificates and I felt a lump in my throat. Not because it was finally over and I could take us all home, (which I was excited to do, don't get me wrong...7 hours is a long day for everyone) but I was sentimental because it's another season over. I am so proud of her, she is a great athlete in every sense of the word. She works her behind off, she encourages her teammates, she celebrates their victories and makes them laugh when they are tired. She is tough and competitive and she never complains...ever. See why I have that lump? When I saw her standing there with her teammates in line waiting her turn for her medal it was like I saw many fruits from seeds long ago planted. I saw her there and I felt rewarded. It is hard to raise kids. Real hard. And most days I question decisions and choices we have made and pray they were not the wrong ones. I pray like mad mostly because I know how imperfect we are as parents. But somehow, by God's grace we are doing ok and they are more than ok. That feels like a winning season regardless of the records.

I am walking through the quiet dim house, all kids are in bed an yet they are still all about.

My pile of laundry that never quite got folded.

Daddy's piles of random papers I am forbidden to throw away.

There's Ana's "office" set up in the kitchen on a corner of the table all their meals are eaten at,

Camryn's soccer bag and various pairs of her shoes scattered about as if they need their independence from each other.

Piles of board books stacked on random surfaces, the fireplace, a corner of a table, the floor all tracks of Monica and her new past time of studying pictures looking for things she knows the words for and grunting until I tell her the words she doesn't yet know.

And last but not least, the paper trail of a fifth grader, assignments due and returned in no particular order all over the place. I pick up two sheets and find he is studying poetry cinquains and concrete ones. I read what he has written of course it's about sports...

I look around and I am pleased that this place looks like it does. In a few short hours after the briefest rest, the very life that challenges me so will resume. It will breathe its way into all the corners and objects until no trace of the quiet dim night is left. The lights this life of mine that moves constantly forward.

Today, I believe I know the way to true happiness. It is allowing myself to enjoy it all... every which way....crazy-sane, bored-busy, war-peace, quiet-loud, love-grief.... the whole glorious mess because they are so connected they are one. And to love is to love all not just what is pleasing to us. To be able to look through everything to see the best parts of it is a grace.

Cade,

Eleven years ago, I held you in my arms and couldn't believe you were mine, ours.

You the first, have taught Daddy and I so much. You challenged us to be better people, you still do. Those nights you and I spent alone in that rocking chair I used to dream about what you would be like when you got bigger. I held you in my arms, you just a tiny bundle, and I couldn't even imagine that you would be the boy you are now.

These eleven years feel like a dream. God Bless you and keep you safe always!

Happy Birthday Cade!

Easter Snapshots

Since I am terrible at bringing my camera I only have a few...But I do have to share some from moments that I wish a camera could capture but thankful still that my eye did.

Like....

Ana's pink fingers (from dying eggs the night before) wrapped around the handle of her white purse.

And..

Seeing Camryn's tag to her dress just under her chin at Church which means it was put on backwards. (In her defense, we did go to the early Mass and she is not used to wearing dresses)

And..

Momo with a mouthful of chocolate before I realized she was helping herself to a bowl of kisses.

And Cade, while we were dining out, announcing to the table that "he felt constipated" when he really meant claustrophobic.

Moments like this are what make my life feel so rich...the small, imperfect, silly moments in the midst of everything, that make me pause, and remind me to just enjoy the ride. Our Easter was so beautiful and so perfect because our whole bunch was together. We were also blessed to have Tita and Jaja spend the weekend with us too. We ate too much, slept too little and spent too much time in the sun. But it was FUN and I wouldn't change a thing!

Old Friends, New Friends

Wasn't I doing so well this Lent? Posting the daily link from our Chains of Sin? And then, last week without notice... no more daily links. Well, actually we were doing our links, I just stopped posting because I was busy preparing for a special visit. Rebekah and her family were coming to spend the weekend with us.
Who is Rebekah? Well, she is a number of things. She is a partner in crime, a sillyheart who makes me laugh out loud and a friend of the heart. What is a friend of the heart? Well it is just as it sounds a friend who understands and believes like you do. These are hard to come by and if you are lucky you may have one yourself.

Unfortunatly, we haven't seen eachother in 8 years and the next time could be another 8.
We have a lot working against us...opposite coasts, military tours, broods of varying sizes and ages, etc.

Nevertheless, they pulled in under the cover of night while our family slept and Doug and I met one by one the family she has made for herself.

Life and time changes everything, except somehow, the easy way it is for us to be friends. And so the weekend went. Then completely by surprise, slowly and surely, Ana and Isabel discovered their own 3 year old spirits were kindred too.

We all packed it up and drove up the thruway for dinner before parting ways again. Us to the beach, them to their own life's adventure. Watching Ana and Isabel holding hands as the sun began to descend, I wished I could just as easily slip mine in Rebekah's and tell her not to go. But goodbye hugs have to end and her life will take her away and all I can hope for... pray for... is another time soon when we can talk and eat and laugh the way we always do.