In these last two weeks I have simply marveled at Monica's expressions, her tiny hands and feet. They are so small yet reveal and contain the very life force inside of her. The same life force that is in all of us. Her imperfections I admire as absolutely charming. When she burps on me spits up or blows up a diaper it is with great love and out of concern for her comfort that I celebrate it. I am forgiving of her demanding feeding schedule and I absolutely require no return of my affections from her.

This weekend was quiet for us in that Doug's schedule is slowing down for the summer. He announced on Saturday morning, "get your list ready I am in the mood to work today". This statement made my heart leap. Since we've moved in there are "projects" I have been dying to accomplish around here. But limited to my physical state and then the arrival of the baby they took a very back seat to the immediate needs of our family. Well the afternoon wore on and indeed Doug was in the mood to work...outside. He edged, mulched, raked, and cleaned. Inside I grew more frustrated. In fact, since I spend all my time indoors the things I wanted done just seem to glare at me in defiance of my ordered fantasy. I finally resolved that his domain is outside so that is where his glaring oppositions to his liking lie. I was fine with it. Then on Sunday when he dressed and announced he was off to do more work outside I actually thought he was kidding. No in fact he wasn't and he found plenty more work to do "out there". I would walk outside and he would smile at me or ask for a kiss and inside my impatience was just growing.
By Sunday evening, with my grocery list still sitting on the table and some heavy boxes still crowding my hallway I finally lost it. "What do I have to do or say to get you to see what I see that needs to be done inside? Don't you know that hanging those shelves or moving the final boxes out of here translates right into a big fat "I love you, Carrie". He didn't say anything as he often does when there is nothing to say. But as I was feeding Monica in the dim light of our room last night I realized that if I could be so tolerant of my infant and her selfish demands why can't I be as tolerant to her father whom I love just as much and whose hands and feet are filled with that very same life force as my dear infant? When does it happen exactly in our relationships that we lose that ability to be so tolerant and forgiving?
This morning as sure as the sun comes up the boxes were moved and I dare to guess that my shelves will be up by sunset. Because my husband is very good at making it right when he knows I feel wronged and I hate to admit he is far more patient and tolerant with me than I am with him.
The truth is we all go through infant stages where we demand a bit more from those we love. Or act selfishly just for our own survival. Or require love and affection when we are absolutely unable to return it. Presently in my own life I am being called to be patient and forgiving in a few of my relationships. I just pray that I am able to find the grace to be able to give it with great love and tolerance.

Cade: Mom when is the baby's extention cord going to fall off?

A few photos of the Socha siblings getting to know their new little sister.......

Love is all you need.....



Sorry I have been busy falling in love. Looking longingly and lovingly into two little eyes that look right back at me. Spending all nighters just the two of us getting to know eachother in our own silent and sometimes teary way.

Examing the details of expressions and features and looking for the other people I love in them.



To see more of my love click Here

She is a Miracle truly...When she arrived her umbilical cord was tied in a knot. My doctor and nurse were surprised because her heartbeat was never abnormal, she is completely healthy and no problems. They both told me they have never seen anything like it. My doctor told me when I cancelled my inducement last week he would ask the Blessed Mother to watch over us every time he thought of me. She was my easiest, quickest labor and I attribute it all to the prayers said on our behalf. Thanks to everyone for all the prayers.

2:27 PM Monica Antonia Socha 8 lbs 3 oz. 19 inches

Dark hair and looks like Ana!


Mom is doing well! Easy labor, 3 pushes and out!

This is Doug! Carrie is in labor. We came to the hospital at 6 am and look forward to giving birth by 3pm. This is her actual due date 07-17-07! The hospital is great (wireless internet) and so is her epidural!!!

Stay tuned for more to come!!!

What we are up to....while we wait for baby

Nana taught the kids to play all kinds of jack games...remember "onsies, and twosies" all the way up to ten? Or "Little House" or "Fish Bowl"? I haven't heard of these games in years and my kids are completely addicted to mastering each one. Cade has been really anxious to get his own set. Finally today he purchased some and was inspecting the package...

C: Mom, what is shrome?
Me: Shrome? I don't know spell it.
C: C-H-R-O-M-E
Me: That's Chrome it's the metal that your jacks are made of.

We also had a wonderful morning at the beach and found some of the best shells today.

This evening when I picked up my Nana from the airport I felt like I could finally exhale for the first time in a week. She told me a week ago that she prayed I would not have this baby until she arrived and so it came to be. For me this is a miracle, truly. I have never carried a baby to term and here I am 1 week before my due date. I prayed on and off all week and so much today as the hours ticked away never doubting that her prayer wouldn't be answered but mostly in thanksgiving that I had such a prayer uttered for me and that my Lord and God exercised such love and compassion for me and my family by granting that it be so.
So now I can deliver with peace. Free from worry that my babies are being cared for and loved in a way that only family can. I am indeed so very blessed and always cared for.

Blessed are the peacemakers, theirs is the kingdom of God

I never really got that one. Finally today! At Mass with the Gospel reading of Jesus sending out his "messengers" and giving them nothing to take with them on their journey into strange towns but his peace and instructions to share it. This is truly the only thing necessary and the best gift to be given.....peace, because it is so powerful. I think of the times when I have felt so much peace. There is nothing I can't do or handle. I fear nothing. And temptations? Forget it, I have all I need and I am so content. But sadly, all too often I seek the peace of this world which is short lived because it is rooted in materialism. When the satisfaction wears off I am left with an unrest and seek out something else for that false sense of peace. Mother Teresa said about our country that we are rich in resources however greatly deprived of peace because of our fascination for the material.
Peace is freely given to all of us, but it requires a deep commitment to our faith in order to hold onto it. I see clearly how the Kingdom of God is ours when we have peace and we share it. Because what we are actually doing is sharing a reality that is absent of fear and worry. We are sharing a love and a security that can't be taken by anyone or anything no matter what the circumstance. We are sharing Jesus and truly following him by imitation not just walking after him. In that way we build a kingdom right here on earth where he reins in our hearts and we dwell ever so sweetly in his.

I felt like I should write so that my abscence would not lead everyone to believe I was in the hospital. I am still around and just waiting. Everyday that passes does offer a certain luxury of more time to "prepare" which I have never had before.
This is all new to me to be so prepared, I am more the "cross that bridge when we get to it type".

I think I like the latter way of existing better than being so prepared. Being prepared gives a false sense of power over one's circumstances. It leads one to feel that everything will fall together they way they intend because all the preparations have been made toward that indication.
And maybe they do or will but the adventure is sure lacking and so is the element of surprise in ones self and ability to adapt.

I just realized how contary to Doug and his profession that statement is. Coaches over prepare so they are ready and won't be surprised by any circumstance. Ha! Perfect example of how I am the ying to his yang. That is the nature of our relationship after all, and it is truly a wonder how we get along at all.

Have a blessed Sunday! Happy Birthday Dad!

Happy 4th of July

I know it is only a few minutes in but, I'm awake and it is officially a holiday (Doug's self proclaimed favorite I might add).

Today is also, my in laws 39th anniversary

...and possibly a birth-day?? We will see.

I haven't been able to blog as much as I used to and I really miss it. My brain is on a hiatus. I can't remember much, and creativity?...gone! All I think about is having this baby. And I am embarassed to say I am really scared of labor this time. I don't remember if I felt this way about the others. But I lie in bed praying for a happy, quick delivery. To my faithful readers please utter a prayer for me. I don't like to be afraid and I am trying so hard to be tough.
Camryn has been a huge help forgoing camp to stay with me. Cade is acting out, but mostly because we are constantly asking him to do this or that lately. And maybe it is taking its toll. I keep trying to remind myself that change is hard on everybody and some handle it way better than others.
I am patient with Cade because he is so much like me. That can be a blessing most of the time but also sad sometimes when I see him struggle with things that took me a long time to learn how to let go of. Mothers can never run out of things to pray for!
Ana is my ever faithful companion and is making life a lot easier on me by her growing understanding.
Doug is working ALOT. But with him too patience is key. I know he is just trying to handle things in his way and I don't always understand it but I know it is rooted in a very deep love for us and a strong desire to provide the best he can.
And me, well I already admitted my fear but I take comfort that the reward is great. I try to imagine who this soul is that I am carrying. How as soon as it arrives we will feel like it was always part of our family, and how much love will come out of us toward this tiny baby.
Is life all around us flowing perfectly? Sadly no, our extended family is facing many, many struggles and fighting them very bravely I must say with God solidly by their side. I pray this soul will remind us all how powerful our God truly is. And take a great comfort in it.